Writing an obituary usually falls to someone who is grieving and short on time. The good news is that an obituary doesn't need to be perfect or long. It needs to be accurate, kind, and clear about the service details. This guide walks you through it in order.
First, decide which version you need
Families often write two or three versions of the same story:
A death notice: short, factual, and often paid by the word in a newspaper. Name, age, town, date of death, and service details.
A full obituary: the life story, family, and service details. This goes on the funeral home's website, in a newspaper, or on social media.
A program life story: a warmer, more personal version printed in the funeral program.
Start with the full obituary. The other two are easy to cut down from it.
What to include, in order
The announcement. Full name (including a maiden name or nickname people know), age, town, and date of death. Saying "died" or "passed away" are both fine; use whatever your family says.
Where they came from. Birth date and place, parents, and where they grew up.
The life. Education, work, service, faith or community, and what they loved doing. Pick two or three details that sound like them rather than listing every job.
Family. Who they're survived by, and who died before them. (Wording help for blended families is below.)
Service details. Date, time, and place of the visitation, service, and burial or reception. Say if it's private.
Memorial wishes. "In lieu of flowers" donations, if any, with the organization's exact name.
A closing line. A thank-you to caregivers, or a line that sounds like them.
How long should it be?
There's no rule. A death notice can be 50–100 words. A full online obituary often runs 200–500 words. If you're paying a newspaper by the line, write the full version for the funeral home's website and a short one for print.
A fill-in-the-blanks starting point
[Full name], [age], of [town], died [date] [optional: at home / surrounded by family]. Born [date] in [place] to [parents], [first name] grew up in [place] and [school, service, or early life detail].
[He/She/They] worked as [work] for [years], and was known for [two details that sound like them]. [First name] loved [interests].
[First name] is survived by [family]. [He/She/They] was preceded in death by [family].
A [service type] will be held [day, date, time] at [place]. [Reception details.] In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to [organization].
Wording for the hard parts
Blended families: list people the way the family actually lives. "Survived by her husband, Tom; her children, Ana and Luis; and her stepchildren, Mia and Jake" is clear and kind. "Bonus children" is fine if the family uses it.
Cause of death: you never have to include it. If you want to, simple phrases work: "after a long illness", "after a brief illness", "suddenly".
Estranged relatives: you can name only the relationships you're comfortable naming. An obituary isn't a legal record.
Faith: include it if it mattered to them, in their words. Leave it out if it didn't.
Privacy tips before you publish online
Obituaries are public, and scammers do read them. Many families leave out the full birth date, the home address, and the exact times when the house will be empty. Include the town, not the street.
A quick checklist before you send it
Names spelled correctly (ask a second person to check)
Dates and ages agree with each other
Service times and addresses confirmed with the funeral home or venue
Donation organization's exact name
Read it aloud once
Want templates? Our Funeral Program & Obituary Kit has a 14-page obituary writing guide with prompts and three full fictional examples, plus editable program layouts that open free in Google Slides or Canva.
This guide is a writing aid. It isn't legal or professional funeral-planning advice. Check service details and any publication rules with your funeral home or newspaper.