When a parent dies, you're asked to make decisions at exactly the moment it's hardest to think. This checklist breaks the work into time frames so you can do the next thing and leave the rest for later. Not every step applies to every family, and very little has to happen on the first day.
In the first hours
If the death was expected at home with hospice, call the hospice nurse first. They'll guide you through the next steps.
If the death was unexpected, call 911.
If your parent died in a hospital or care home, staff will tell you what happens next.
Call one or two people who can be with you or help make calls.
Look for any written wishes: a prepaid funeral plan, letters, or notes about burial or cremation. These are often with important papers.
If there are pets, or a home that will be empty, ask someone to take care of them.
In the first few days
Choose a funeral home or cremation provider. Under the FTC's Funeral Rule, funeral homes must give you an itemized price list, and you only have to buy the items you choose (FTC: The Funeral Rule).
Death certificates. The funeral home usually files the death certificate and can order certified copies. Many families find they need several, because banks, insurers, and agencies each ask for one.
Tell close family and friends, then wider circles. One person can post or send a shared message so you don't repeat the news dozens of times.
Social Security. Usually the funeral home reports the death to Social Security; give them the Social Security number and ask them to confirm. If no funeral home is involved, call Social Security at 1-800-772-1213 (SSA: what to do when someone dies).
Plan the service. Decide on the type of service, a date, and who will speak. Write the obituary (see our obituary guide).
Secure the home and the mail. Lock up, keep valuables safe, and collect mail.
In the first weeks
Find the will, if there is one, and other important papers. If your parent named an executor (also called a personal representative), that person usually leads the next steps. Rules differ by state, so this is a good time to ask a probate or estate attorney, or the county probate court, what applies.
Make a list of accounts and bills. Bank accounts, credit cards, utilities, subscriptions, insurance, and benefits. Don't close or pay anything large until you know who has the authority to do it.
Life insurance and employer benefits. Contact the insurer or former employer's HR office. They'll tell you what they need.
Credit bureaus. Many families ask the three credit bureaus to flag the credit file as deceased to reduce the risk of identity theft.
Phone, email, and social media accounts. Each company has its own process for memorializing or closing an account.
In the first months
Keep a simple log of who you contacted, when, and what they said.
Watch for mail that shows accounts you didn't know about.
Ask a professional about taxes and the estate. These rules vary and change, and a short consultation can prevent costly mistakes.
Take care of yourself. Grief support groups, hospice bereavement programs, and counselors exist for exactly this time.
What makes this easier next time
Most of the scrambling above comes from not knowing where things are. If your other parent, or you, would like to spare the family that search, write it down now: who to call, where the papers are, which accounts exist, and any wishes for a service.
Start with one page. Our Where Everything Is sheet is a $1 one-page start. The Just-in-Case Planner is the full 53-page organizer: people, papers, accounts, health information, and final wishes in one place.
This checklist is general information for families. It isn't legal, financial, medical, or tax advice, and rules differ by state and country. For decisions about an estate, taxes, or benefits, talk to a qualified professional or the agency involved.